Jokes Sent To me
26 December 2006
19 December 2006
Bumper Stickers you’d LIKE to see. . .
1/20/09: End of an Error
That's OK; I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda' Pulled Out, Too
When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
Pray For Impeachment
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed
2005: Horrified
2006: Terrified
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
Are We Kinder and Gentler Yet? ¶ 10:05 AM 0 comments
That's OK; I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway
Let's Fix Democracy in This Country First
If You Want a Nation Ruled By Religion, Move to Iran
Bush. Like a Rock. Only Dumber.
If You Can Read This, You're Not Our President
Hey, Bush Supporters: Embarrassed Yet?
George Bush: Creating the Terrorists Our Kids Will Have to Fight
America: One Nation, Under Surveillance
They Call Him "W" So He Can Spell It
Whose God Do You Kill For?
Cheney/Satan '08
Jail to the Chief
No, Seriously, Why Did We Invade Iraq?
Bush: God's Way of Proving Intelligent Design is Full of Crap
Bad President! No Banana.
We Need a President Who's Fluent In At Least One Language
We're Making Enemies Faster than We Can Kill Them
Is It Vietnam Yet?
Bush Doesn't Care About White People, Either
Where Are We Going? And Why Are We In This Handbasket?
You Elected Him. You Deserve Him.
Impeach Cheney First
Dubya, Your Dad Shoulda' Pulled Out, Too
When Bush Took Office, Gas Was $1.46
Pray For Impeachment
The Republican Party: Our Bridge to the 11th Century
What Part of "Bush Lied" Don't You Understand?
One Nation Under Clod
2004: Embarrassed
2005: Horrified
2006: Terrified
Bush Never Exhaled
At Least Nixon Resigned
Are We Kinder and Gentler Yet? ¶ 10:05 AM 0 comments
18 December 2006
Who is it?
Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing vacation
to Europe. While visiting Europe, he is invited to tea with the Queen.
He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if
they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says
the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Toni Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this
question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it? Tony Blair responds,
"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends
to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Hi, Bill, I wonder if you
can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Clinton hems and haws
and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Gore agrees and Clinton hangs up.
Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State
Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of
course, you idiot."
Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims. "I know
the answer Al! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!!
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."
to Europe. While visiting Europe, he is invited to tea with the Queen.
He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to
surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if
they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right questions," says
the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
She phones Toni Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this
question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it? Tony Blair responds,
"It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and goodbye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up
and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"
"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old friends
to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Hi, Bill, I wonder if you
can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this
child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?" Clinton hems and haws
and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Gore agrees and Clinton hangs up.
Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer.
Finally, in desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State
Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother
or sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of
course, you idiot."
Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims. "I know
the answer Al! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!!
And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."
Labels: Clinton, Gore, humor, Powell
¶ 8:57 AM 0 comments
26 September 2006
04 August 2006
Blonde Joke
Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money. ¶ 3:05 PM 0 comments
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money. ¶ 3:05 PM 0 comments
Elder Love
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Sarah went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Sarah told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." ¶ 3:04 PM 0 comments
Sarah went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Sarah told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." ¶ 3:04 PM 0 comments
Women over 40
In case you missed it on 60 minutes. This is for all girls around 40...AND...for guys who are scared of girls over 40. This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?"
She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. ¶ 2:10 PM 0 comments
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?"
She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. ¶ 2:10 PM 0 comments
03 April 2006
Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com
I guess this is one way to handle discrimination.
Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com: "RIYADH (Reuters) - Tired of playing second fiddle to men in conservative Saudi Arabia, five women decided if you can't beat them, join them.
Al Watan newspaper said the five women underwent sex change surgery abroad over the past 12 months after they developed a 'psychological complex' due to male domination.
Women in Saudi Arabia, which adopts an austere interpretation of Islam, are not allowed to drive or even go to public places unaccompanied by a male relative.
The newspaper quoted a senior cleric as saying the authorities have to fill what he described as a legal vacuum by issuing laws against sex change operations.
An interior ministry official told al Watan such cases are examined by religious authorities, and sometimes by psychologists, but those who undergo sex change are never arrested.
© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved." ¶ 2:20 PM 0 comments
Oddly Enough News Article | Reuters.com: "RIYADH (Reuters) - Tired of playing second fiddle to men in conservative Saudi Arabia, five women decided if you can't beat them, join them.
Al Watan newspaper said the five women underwent sex change surgery abroad over the past 12 months after they developed a 'psychological complex' due to male domination.
Women in Saudi Arabia, which adopts an austere interpretation of Islam, are not allowed to drive or even go to public places unaccompanied by a male relative.
The newspaper quoted a senior cleric as saying the authorities have to fill what he described as a legal vacuum by issuing laws against sex change operations.
An interior ministry official told al Watan such cases are examined by religious authorities, and sometimes by psychologists, but those who undergo sex change are never arrested.
© Reuters 2006. All Rights Reserved." ¶ 2:20 PM 0 comments
31 March 2006
Reading Habits
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. None of these are read by the guy who is running the country into the ground. ¶ 11:10 AM 0 comments
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. None of these are read by the guy who is running the country into the ground. ¶ 11:10 AM 0 comments
Reading Habits
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. None of these are read by the guy who is running the country into the ground. ¶ 10:53 AM 0 comments
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country ... or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
12. None of these are read by the guy who is running the country into the ground. ¶ 10:53 AM 0 comments
