Jokes Sent To me
04 August 2006
Blonde Joke
Homer, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money. ¶ 3:05 PM 0 comments
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 news was now on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a
ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Homer and said, "Do you think he'll jump?
"Homer said, "You know, I bet he'll jump"
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Homer placed 20 dollars on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off
of the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset and handed her 20 dollars to Homer, saying,
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Homer replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5
o'clock news and knew he would jump."
The blonde replied, "I did too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."
Homer took the money. ¶ 3:05 PM 0 comments
Elder Love
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away,
Sarah went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Sarah told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." ¶ 3:04 PM 0 comments
Sarah went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old
grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had
died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were
making love on Sunday Morning."
Horrified, Sarah told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100
years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our
advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church
bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow
and even...Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the
Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be
alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along." ¶ 3:04 PM 0 comments
Women over 40
In case you missed it on 60 minutes. This is for all girls around 40...AND...for guys who are scared of girls over 40. This was written by Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes.
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?"
She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. ¶ 2:10 PM 0 comments
Andy Rooney says: As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask,"What are you thinking?"
She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk or if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free". Here's an update for you: Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage, why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire Pig, just to get a little sausage. ¶ 2:10 PM 0 comments
